Know Me More

I am not who you see I am when I’m in front of you, when I get so cheerful and bubbly. Since this is my blog, here, let me tell you more about me.

• I don’t like confrontations.
• I don’t like people commenting to my unfinished statements.
• I hate disappointments and rejections, even to the smallest issues or details.
• I like being HUGGED, being tapped on the shoulder, being comforted when I’m crying, rejected, disappointed, or having breakdowns.
• I like it when people ONLY LISTEN when I’m saying my thoughts out loud and not having any comments to the contrary.
• A simple card on my birthday makes me cry.
• When I ask you to choose, I expect you to have your own choice and not to return the choices to me. I don’t find that polite.
• I love it when my whole family eats dinner together.
• I don’t like being compared with anyone.
• I don’t like being dictated with what to do next.
• I don’t like people commenting too much on my work or how I do things. If you want… go do it yourself damn it!
• I like being complemented without any BUTs or HOWEVERs.
• I like to go to places where I don’t have any idea how to go there.
• When I’m inspired, I eat a lot, and I cannot concentrate on my work, which leads to a semi-successful activity… or worse, a failed one. So please do not inspire me too much.
• When I have something I wanna accomplish, I should be desperate to do it/have it and I gotta be madly into it.
• I am easily distracted with things outside the day’s plan. So I gotta stop by that distraction first, finish something about it if possible, and continue with the main task I left behind.
• When I have breakdowns, you won’t see me a  lot. I usually lock myself in my room, close the windows, turn the fan and the lights off, and tuck myself in the darkest corner of the room hugging a pillow. Sounds funny, but I’m serious. It usually comes with the mantra of the day.
• I always imagine myself hanging from the ceiling of my room with that abandoned telephone cable just about on top of my book case.
• I don’t usually speak about my feelings. I keep it to my self.
• I have this notion that whatever I do or believe in, it is always wrong - wrong choices, wrong opinions, wrong self. My parents lead me to that… I cannot be right.

So there… the inner me. You think I need to see a Shrink? I guess so…